Déjà vu

Late last night, my friend and I were chatting about déjà vu. Well, actually, he was chatting, I was just trying to keep the phone balanced on my cheek without using my hands, as I lay in the bed and listened to him – You know when you experience something, and you are like I think I have experienced this before and when I did, I said this, and then that happened. I wonder if the same thing will happen if I say the same thing again. And then you say the same thing, and that same thing that happened, happens again and you are like whoa…this is déjà vu! copywrite Lala.

It made me realize that I might be right in the midst of this phenomenon, because in five days it will be that day again. The one that I try to ignore and feel indifferent about. Usually I focus on the approach of my birthday which is six days after it, but it is quite a challenge when everything about anything is doused in some shade of pink and red or the other. Most of the time there is so much else going on in my life that I can ignore all the hype…at least until the actual day, which I plan to sleep right through, this year. Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means bitter about the day and everything it supposedly symbolizes, I just think it is over-rated, and I just can’t be bothered.

And yet, I feel like I am watching a train wreck about to happen. Because I feel like I have been cool like this before…many times. I’ve been okay with everyone else losing it and spending ‘shoe money’ on so called ‘expressing their love’ and it’s all good, everyone can do what they want, and I will do me. But somehow, the closer that day comes, the less certain I am, and the more I have to convince myself that I’m cool. And the more I try to convince myself the more it sounds like I am making it up. And the more I make it up, the harder reality bites when I wake up that morning, and there are no flowers…no chocolate covered strawberries, no dinner reservations, not even a last minute ecard sent from the latest smartphone, to tell me something that I already know…that I am precious and lovable.

The tough thing about déjà vu is that you can’t stop the inevitable. It really is like watching a catastrophe about to happen, and this is not just déjà vu for me, it is déjà vu to the 20th or so power, because it’s happened more frequently than I can count! But the good news is, although it has been brutal every single time, I have survived it. Each and every time, “I get by, with a lil’ help from my friends.”

Brace for impact.


P.S. I don't blog in January. It seems like all the inspiration is sucked up by everyone's New Year's resolutions and this year in particular, by that crowd that gathered in the National Mall on the 20th. I'm not hating, I am just being real! Plus, I was really sick for half the month! ;) I missed you all too!